-Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
-Doing it right the first time is unappreciated. Trying 6 times to get it right is job security.
-The beatings will continue until morale improves.
-The light at the end of the tunnel may be a train heading in your direction.
-Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.
-I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
-On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
-I don’t suffer from stress. I’m the carrier.
-Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
-I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sounds they make as they go flying by.
-This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
-I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
-There is always one more son-of-a-bitch than you counted on.
-There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
-You can’t tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
-The facts, although they may be interesting, are irrelevant.
-The careful application of terror is a form of communication.
-Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the rest of the world.
-Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.
-I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
-If you think there is good in everyone, you haven’t met everyone.
-If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
-By the time you can make ends meet, they change the ends.
-The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
-If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
-For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
-He who hesitates is probably right.
-Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
-Eagles may soar, but weasels aren’t sucked into jet engines.
(thanks to the folks over at tip list for these funny stupid thoughts)
