Beautiful USA

Everything I need to know I learned from Noah’s Ark.

1.Don’t miss the boat
2.Remember that we are all in the same boat
3.Plan ahead.It wasnt raining when Noah built the ark
4.Stay fit.When you’re 60,someone may ask you to do something really big
5.Don’t listen to critics,just get on with the job that needs to be done
6.Build your future on high ground
7.For safety’s sake,travel in pairs
8.Speed isn’t always an advantage.The snails were on board with the cheaters
9.When you’re stressed,float a while
10.Remember the Ark was built by amateurs,the Titanic by professionals
11.No matter the storm,when you’re with God there’s always a rainbow waiting

Some jokes never get old.Here’s an oldie but a goodie.Enjoy:

The daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her out:
Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn’t you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn’t you call?You little tramp! Don’t you know what you put your Mom through??!!”
The girl, crying: “Sniff, sniff… Dad… I became a prostitute…”

“WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot, sinner, you’re a disgrace to this family – I don’t ever want to see you again!”
“OK, Dad – as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this fur coat and title to a mansion, a savings account certificate of $5 million for my little brother, and for you, Daddy, this gold Rolex, the spanking new BMW that’s parked outside and a lifetime membership to the Country Club & an invitation for you all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera,and …”Now what was it you said you had become?”
Girl, crying again: Sniff, sniff “A prostitute Dad!” … Sniff, sniff
“Oh! Gee – you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said “a Protestant”. Come here and give your old man a hug!”

This cracked me up big time..Its a wild definition of the name Obama

O – Originally
B – Born in
A – Africa to
M – Manage
A – Americans

You have to have a wicked and twisted sense of humor to appreciate that definition.

I’m probably the only person in the world who didn’t know there is an entire week dedicated to best friends.I don’t know exactly when this week is (I’m in a hurry so I can’t google it but you can!) but I was clearing my mailbox when I came across this short note someone sent me during “world best friend’s week”…side rant,I can’t wait for Hallmark to stop making up all these unnecessary “events”.I value my friends,really I do but I don’t need to have an entire week dedicated to them.I can just pick up my phone and text or call them telling them how much I appreciate them!…..anyway,back to that email….

Did you know….
Your heart is your love
Your love is your family
Your family is your future
Your future is your destiny
Your destiny is your ambition
Your ambition is your aspiration
Your aspiration is your motivation
Your motivation is your belief
Your belief is your peace
Your peace is your target
Your target is heaven
Heaven is no fun without friends

Life isn’t fair,but its still good
Time heals almost everything.Give time,time
Don’t compare your life to others.You have no idea what their journey is all about
You don’t have to win every argument.Agree to disagreements
Get rid of anything that isn’t useful,beautiful or joyful
Try to make at least three people smile each day
Each night before you go to bed,complete the following statements: “I am thankful for…” and “Today I accomplished…..”
Call your family often
Take a 10-30 minute walk everyday and while you walk,smile
Forgive everyone for everything
Dream more while you are awake
What other people think of you is none of your business
Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
Enjoy the ride.Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass.Make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
Smile and laugh more.It will keep the energy vampires away
Don’t take yourself too seriously,no one else does.
Realise that life is a school and you are here to learn,pass all your tests.Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
Your job wont take care of you when you’re sick.Your friends will.Stay in touch
No one is in charge of your happiness except you
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone
Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six
When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,“My purpose is to……today”
Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed
No matter how you feel,get up,dress up and show up
The best is yet to come
Burn the candles.Use the nice sheets.Don’t save them for a special occassion.Today is special
Make peace with your past so it wont mess up the present
However good or bad a situation is,it will change
Live with the 3Es – Energy,Enthusiasm,Empathy
and the 3Fs – Faith,Family,Friends

-Smile at a stranger
-Listen to someone’s heart
-Drop a coin where a child can find it
-Learn something new then teach it to someone else
-Tell someone you’re thinking about them
-Hug a loved one
-Don’t hold a grudge
-Don’t be afraid to say “I’m Sorry”
-Look a child in the eye and tell them how great they are
-Don’t kill that spider in your house,he’s just lost so show him the way out
-Look beyond the face of a person into their heart
-Make a promise and keep it
-Call someone for no reason than to say “Hi”
-Show kindness to an animal
-Stand up for what you believe in
-Smell the rain,feel the breeze,listen to the wind,enjoy the sun
-Use all your senses to their fullest
-Cherish all your TODAYS

Great advise for today,any day and EVERYDAY!