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-The little tray that pops out of your computer, is not a cup holder.

-Lot lizards are not really a gecko

-Zenith only brings things to life, if you take the back off the tv, and grab all the wires.

-Coke adds life only if you use it to remove rust.

-If Pepsi is the choice of the new generation, how can this be, the new generation isn’t even born yet

-Women in strip clubs are there to earn money not to take you home with them.

-Men that weigh over 150lbs should not wear Speedo’s because it does make your penis look smaller.

-Your 8 track tape player in your car is not cool.

-A dodge viper can not do 150 in Houston Texas traffic at 5pm.

-A real hacker can hack an atm.

-Women do not need men, they have BOB’s

-Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

-Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been.”

-Always remember the little guy.

-Never leave a man broke.

-Indecision is the key to flexibility.

-I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

-Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?